1. Free rent.
Need we say more?
2. Having a live-in chef/cleaner/bed maker/clothes washer.
They may complain and call you lazy, but secretly they’re terrified of you moving out, and will happily do anything to prolong your time at Chez Legal Guardian.
3. Not having to have an accounting degree to balance your bills.
£40 phone bill, £20 credit card payment, £50 petrol, £300 holiday fund. Standard.
4. Despite lecturing you on the damage your weekly blowouts will do to your liver, they’re still
on hand the morning after with a roll and sausage to help ease your hangover.
5. They’re unconsciously funny, and if they do happen to know they’re funny you won’t be laughing with them, but at their constant attention-seeking attempts to make you laugh while you’re trying to get on with something altogether more important.
Just remember, you WILL turn into them one day, so be kind.
6. If something breaks they’ll either fix it themselves or pay someone to fix it.
If something broke in your imaginary bachelor pad, it would stay broken, even if it was the central heating. In the middle of winter. In the Highlands of Scotland.
7. You don’t need to leave the house to go vintage shopping- just raid their wardrobes!
Same applies to records; old school is the new cool.
8. Unlike flatmates, they won’t use your shampoo, steal your shelf in the fridge or forget to do their fair share of the hoovering.
YOU’LL use their shampoo, fill the fridge with bottles of booze and forget that you own a hoover.
9. There’s no need to appoint a designated driver or fork out for a taxi when you have a parent with a set of wheels and petrol to burn.
10. When you actually do make the effort to cook/clean/help out around the house, you will be rewarded with something far better than money: Golden Child status.
Yes, your old dears will be so proud/ shocked that they’ll forgive you for all of the above and still bring you that roll and sausage again tomorrow. Until they realise you were compensating for scraping their car door against a wall. Again.