By Emma Tomlinson
You’re in a lecture and slowly losing the will to live as your stomach growls aggressively at you for not eating breakfast again. Oh, how you’d consume anything in these moments. An apple, maybe two pears, or even three plums… Hold on, did you just think something akin to the very hungry caterpillar? You did, didn’t you? Wait, you find yourself thinking this a lot don’t you? Now, in case you’re still in denial over the fact that you’re CLEARLY the very hungry caterpillar, I suggest reading on.
1. We all emerge from our metaphorical eggs as very small and very hungry caterpillars
When we were born, everyone was so eager to please us. You want food now? I’m on it. Remember those good old days when all we had to do to get a free meal was cry and whinge a lot? Now we now need to show our student ID with the horrific photo to anyone who’ll listen just to get a grand total of TEN PENCE off our burrito.
2. Like us, the caterpillar’s very aware that Friday is treat yo’self day
Not only do we have to buy our own treats, but we have Jamie Oliver shaking turkey twizzlers at us in outrage the second we put a chocolate bar to our mouths. But Friday is the magic day when Ben and Jerry are your best friends and no Jamie, we don’t want a recipe for a healthier version. It’s time to just let rip. Even sometimes our trousers.
3. FIVE ORANGES?! We both see no wrong in that
There seems to be the constant pressure of not breaking societal norms. No, having cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner is NOT acceptable and it’s about damn time you accept that. But sometimes our inner child screams so loud our adult voice simply gets drowned out and we eat those five oranges, and we enjoy every juicy bite.
4. The caterpillar’s Saturday feast is Saturday morning hangover food. For realz
So you got a pickle on the way home from the club, some sausages to settle your early morning vomit fest and a chocolate cake for the most intense moments of self-pity. It’s OK, we’re just a hungry caterpillar you know.
5. The aftermath of eating is always the same: stomach ache and regret.
Ugh, come on. We didn’t eat everything in the fridge did we? Everything hurts, we didn’t know it was possible for your ribs to hurt from food consumption. Oh, WHY?!
6. Sunday is always detox day, whether it be one green leaf or one cautious piece of toast: no repeats of Saturday
Sometimes we forget that we are the very hungry caterpillar, and fail to listen to his advice. I’m talking about your over-excitement on Sunday of being able to eat again. Farewell detox! Why not take a leaf out of the caterpillar’s book, and just start with an apple.
7. A hearty meal can make us a big, fat caterpillar too
A bowl of pasta the size of your face always sounds good. It’s warm, comforting and delicious. Kind of like a significant other, but you don’t have to listen to them speak, so I get the appeal. Your stomach is less of a fan though. I hope you don’t intend on moving for the next few days.
8. Staying inside for more or less two weeks post food binge is perfectly acceptable for both caterpillar and ourselves
The outside world is overrated anyway. We all need time alone.
9. But it’s OK! You too shall re-emerge as a beautiful butterfly
Or just an even more fabulous version of yourself. Is that even humanly possible? Yes! Just wait and see.
10. This picture is just like looking into a mirror. Told you
Oh hey fabulous. Spread your wings and fly, you’ve earned it.