By Ciaran Vance
Celebrity fragrances are not a groundbreaking marketing scheme. Everybody from Kim Kardashian to Katy Perry and David Beckham have had at least 1. And, don’t get me wrong, some of them smell great, I occasionally steal my father’s 007 aftershave (who wouldn’t want to smell like Jame Bond?), however there are fragrances out there which do not only smell bad, but are embarrassing to wear. Here’s 5 fragrances I would never wear, no matter how bad I was smelling.
Bruce Willis: Now don’t get me wrong, I admire Bruce Willis as an actor and would place Die Hard on my favourite films list any day of the week. However I would not like to smell like him. If I say ‘Bruce Willis’ to you, immediately you picture him atop Nakatomi Plaza with his white vest ripped and glass cutting his bare feet to pieces. The day my girlfriend tells me she has bought me Mr Willis’ aftershave is the day I start writing a birthday present list.
Tim McGraw: Tim McGraw has his own aftershave, 4 actually. 11 consecutive number 1 albums and 40 million worldwide record sales and still there’s a need for an aftershave? The fragrance, which includes all the attributes of a Southerner (masculinity, strength, charisma and sex appeal) is made with the scents of very interesting products including whiskey, amber and tobacco. Not exactly a fragrance that will guarantee a pull on your next night out.
Peter Andre: If, like me, your first sighting of Peter Andre was on ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ then you may not be aware of the fact he was a musician prior to that. Yes, ask your big sister, there’s every chance she swooned over Andre as he delicately washes his 6-pack under a waterfall in his Mysterious Girl video. The fragrance, another product in a long line of money-grabbing ventures alongside books and magazine covers, was also named ‘Mysterious Girl’, GENIUS. Available since 2010, you can probably pick this up in your local Boots’ bargain bucket.
One Direction: Unless you’re a 13 year old girl and the mere mention of One Direction is enough to make you blush, don’t buy this fragrance. Basically, guys out there; don’t buy this fragrance. Period.
Jay Z: Last on this list is Jay Z, heard of him? Apart from being the sideshow in a recent female musician’s music video, Jay Z is one of the biggest hip-hop acts of all time. With lyrics like ‘That D’Useé is the sh**, if I do say so myself’ or ‘Basquiats, Warhols serving as my muses, my house like a museum so I see ’em when I’m peeing’ it’s hard to imagine that he picks up his cologne from Superdrug. Marked as an exclusive to the store, the aftershave seems like a cheap product rushed out alongside Beyoncé’s perfume Rise just in time for her European tour. A man of class like Jay Z is very unlikely to wear this aftershave, so why should we?
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