If you think our plasticine-faced Prime Minister and his cabinet of cadaverous, Bond villain-esque cronies are shamefully poor politicians, then read on and be thankful we haven’t had to deal with any zoomers on the scale of these three in recent years.
Jesse Ventura (The Wrestler)
On his pre-political CV, former governor of Minnesota Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura could boast stints as a Navy SEAL, wrestler, steroid abuser, member of an outlaw motorcycle club and actor (appearing in Predator, as well as Batman and Robin).
Liberal to the core and unafraid of making political enemies, he made a lot of positive noises when he became governor. Yet, the longer his time in office went on, the more holes were picked in his plausibility by the press. Jesse didn’t re-run for election; instead he decided to focus his time writing books and presenting TV shows on conspiracy theories. And we thought Boris Johnson was colourful.
Dennis Hastert (The Profiteer)
The mammoth expenses scandal over here had us practically at the point of grabbing pitchforks and marching towards Parliament. How could our MPs get away with using our tax cash for duck islands and porn flicks when we have to pay for that stuff with our own earnings? It was a disgrace. Still though, what happened here is nothing compared with Republican congressman Dennis Hastert’s cheeky development plan.
Hastert earmarked $200+ million of government money for a little personal project which involved improvement of land he owned. Rather than a little gardening on the sly, this cash led to him flogging a sizeable chunk of the now-enhanced real estate for a crisp $2million profit. Bravo sir, bravo.
David Vitter (The Shagger)
Practice what you preach. It’s a simple mantra, but many a politician has slipped up on it. None more so than uber conservative Christian senator David Vitter. The Republican was a big fan of sexual abstinence, staunchly against abortion and wanted a constitutional ban on same-sex marriages. A thoroughbred rootin’ tootin’ Southern stereotype, Vitter also played up to his family man credentials.
However, it all hit the fan for him when it was discovered that he had been using the services of high class prostitutes. Hauling his wife in for back-up at a press conference, the suddenly not-so-Christian politician apologised for “his sins” and pretty much lost all credibility after that. Which is good, because if you’d ever listened to anything he uttered, you’d be inclined to kick him in the balls. Full force.