By Portis Wasp
If like me you measure your pleasure in inches, you’re going to want to jump straight to the top of this stinger. It’s only natural; I get it, but please resist the urge just this once. Take one inch at a time, savour it, and pace yourself before moving on to the next level of guilty pleasure paradise. These nine inches need to last you throughout December and January after all!
1. Ke$ha released her sophomore sure-to-be-a-hot-mess-of-an-album on December 3rd. It’s called Warrior, so expect lots of autotuned fighting talk.
2. Silent Hill finally gets a sequel, and in 3D no less. Nurses with no faces in 3D anyone?! Guilty pleasure cinema at its finest. Out now.
3. My feet get cold in the winter and only Balmain’s strapped Suede Biker Boots will keep me warm at £705. They are available from MrPorter.com, and I’m a size ten, please and thank you.
4. Rihanna released a new album this year, because that’s what she does every year, and it will amaze you of course. Unapologetic is out now.
5. The Dark Knight Rises swooped down onto DVD on December 3rd and I will not apologise for the amount of times I will hit rewind on Anne Hathaway whispering “I’m adaptable” into Christian Bale’s ear.
6. Haven’t you heard; her pussy tastes like Pepsi cola and her eyes are wide like cherry pies? Lana and that potty mouth of hers have re-released her Born To Die album with a Paradise twist- available now.
7. Grace Coddington: Creative Director at Vogue, star of The September Issue and arguably one of the greatest living stylists, like, ever. Grace: A Memoir will make the perfect stocking filler for any budding fashionista this Christmas.
8. American Horror Story will keep us warm this winter when it returns for its second season and moves some familiar faces from the first series into an Asylum, run by a mischievous nun, played by Jessica Lange. Expect the unexpected.
9. Directed by Tarrantino and featuring an all-star cast, Django Unchained, the story of a slave-turned-bounty hunter who sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner with the help of his mentor, is released on Christmas Day – thanks Santa.