Living with new people for the first time is great. You gain a whole new group of friends. You start planning parties for every weekend for the year ahead. You stay up late taking about life, the universe and everything. It’s all going so swimmingly. That is until day two and you discover that someone’s already chipped your favourite mug…
No doubt you’ll live with countless types of roomies during your studies, but what about the seven deadliest kinds of housemates? Use our definitive list to pick out the culprits in your flat. Which one are you?
The Mould Maker
They’ll leave rotting food in their paths and eat any stale morsels no matter what state it is in. Because of this criminal, mould seems to seep right out of the fridge from the mound of rotting cheese, meats and other stuff which has become indistinguishable. Even the Tupperware has gone mouldy – how does that even happen?! They’re also not adverse to the ten second rule. Actually, make that the five minute rule. If it’s intact yet on the floor it still makes a good snack.
The Noise Machine
Noise Makers only have one setting: extra damn loud. And that’s during waking hours. Expect nothing less than ear drum bursting decibels at precisely the moment you decide to go to bed – that’s when the party’s just beginning for noise machines. When they whisper? You can still hear them from the flat next door (where you’ve presumably inhabited to hide from them). No matter the time of day, especially in the morning when you feel like the undead, they’ll have a topic of conversation to natter about. At the top of their voice. Catching them singing in the shower must be avoided at all costs.
The Night Owl
This creature can often be found enjoying a triple espresso and eating a bowl of cereal at 11pm while you’re in your jammies. During the night, you can enjoy being woken up to the sound of them doing an exercise video, playing a musical instrument, having lengthy telephone calls to someone in Australia. Come to think of it, you’re not entirely sure if they have ever actually been in their bed. Night owl or vampire? We’d stay on the lookout for signs.
The Mess Maker
Spillages all over the fridge. Stains on every surface. You swear they even emit dust from their pores. There are no limits to the path of destruction a mess maker leaves in their wake. Dishes are piled up in the sink over such a long period of time that every item now possesses an irreversible layer of crust on it. Even when you finally lose it and decide never to wash anything again with the theory that they’ll HAVE to wash something once all kitchen utensils are sink bound, that’s when you’ll find them eating soup out of a vase.
The Neat Freak
Arch nemesis of the Mess Maker. Wherever they go the Neat Freak will be ever in their pursuit. It all sounds like the perfect balance. That’s until your innocent possessions start going missing as a result of their ‘tidying’. That is until you find them in the bread bin months later. The last time you checked, leaving a set of keys on the kitchen table wasn’t classed as ‘mess’. And for God’s sake, don’t dare to eat anything which risks crumbs, unless you’re eating it over the bin.
You hear the creak of a door, soft footsteps, maybe even the whisper of a voice, only to discover when you go to investigate that nobody seems to be there at all. The only proof left behind that they even exist is a small trace of biscuit crumbs in the kitchen, or perhaps a pair of empty boots by the door. Their ninja-like prowess means that they’re totally capable of being on their own the majority of the time. But make sure that you at least knock on their door every now and then to make sure they’re still breathing…
The Original Prankster
No matter how tired/exasperated/unimpressed you are, the original prankster is never too exhausted to irritate you. April Fools’ is perhaps the only day in the calendar year which is void of pranks. That’s just not their style. They’re the ones who ‘hilariously’ put cling film over the toilet seat, pretend to be a ghost, hack your Facebook to post that you’re pregnant and other such tomfoolery. Dare to play a prank back however? Beware of their ferocious wrath…
Adamant that you don’t embody any of these? Ask your flatmates and see what they think… Share on Twitter @Scotcampus