By Sophie McNaughton
It’s happened to us all: disastrous haircuts, hormones, acne, temper tantrums, excessive eyeliner, classy underage drinking, concealer lips and bright pink blusher, young love, sweeping fringes we could barely see out of and finally escaping (hopefully!) as relatively normal people. Yep, it’s the terrible teens.
While some of these phases may overlap, blend together, last longer than others or even carry on into adulthood, most of us have went through them at some point in our youth. Here are those seven deadly stages…
The Puppy Fat Puberty Phase
We all pray that we can boss this stage and emerge having blossomed (like Kylie Jenner and Josh Peck managed to do). This is the time when you’re no longer a cute little rosy-cheeked kid and sadly this awkward chubby phase will last for a good year or two.
Around this time is when puberty, and teenage-hood, officially begins. For both girls and boys, there are a lot of changes that pop up – you’re going to have to start wearing deodorant, your skin ain’t gonna look great and well, it’s just not a magical time – but you will soon adjust and hopefully muddle through having lost the puppy fat and found a good skin cream.
The Ned Stage
Back in the ’00s, it was Mera Peaks, Helly Hansens and McKenzie jackets (all with the collars sticking up, of course). JD Sports was everyone’s favourite shop, even though we didn’t play any sports, and we’d spend our weekends outside in the rain passing around a two litre bottle of Strongbow. Oh, we were so cool.
Darren Styles and Angerfist was the music of choice during my ned stage, but I’m not sure what phat tunes are down with the kids these days. We might have spoken like Fergie from Still Game, but as painful as it is to remember, at least we can look back and laugh.
The Age of Goth
This is the one I couldn’t quite let go of. Tim Burton films, old school My Chemical Romance, shopping at Osiris, giving yourself panda eyes with black eyeshadow, piercings and wearing all black (come on, black always looks good). Whether you’ve dappled in the scary make-up or listened to a few catchy wee numbers by Papa Roach or Avenged Sevenfold, most of us have adopted the persona of Wednesday Addams and been a bit of a goth. #gawf4lyf
You hate your parents. You hate your siblings. Nobody understands you. You want to argue with everyone. There will be times when you’re so irritable that you’ll start an argument with yourself in your empty bedroom and you’ll throw tantrums that could rival the ones you had as a toddler. On occasion, you will be bitchy and hostile– whether it be caused by hormones, changing friendships or just plainly that you’re growing up and don’t really want to– but don’t fret, this too shall pass.
Getting Your Geek On
This is the phase where you discover a subject at school, a TV show or a book series that you love and obsess over. For me, in my early teen years, it was (regrettably) the Twilight Saga. I had every book, went to the first midnight cinema showings of the films, bought all the DVDs, collected countless accessories and books about the series and I even bought a Twilight hairdryer…that I might still use but don’t tell anyone. Other fandoms to geek out over include: Lord of The Rings, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Sherlock and Doctor Who to name a few. We all have something from our teenage years that we used to fangirl over and while we might be a bit embarrassed by how enthused we were, our precious obsession will always remain a guilty pleasure.
At around 16-18 years old, this is when teachers, parents and everyone in between will be telling you that you have to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. No pressure. The SQA will be your worst enemy. You’ll have NABs, past papers and study notes coming out of your ears as exams and UCAS applications rear their ugly heads. Hopefully by this stage, the more unsavoury teenage phases will have fizzled out and you’ll realise that figuring out what you want to do with your future is more important than winning arguments with mum and dad or fighting with your friends over members of the opposite sex. Things are getting serious!
The Quarter Life Crisis
Here is the phase I’m at right now. It’s my last year of being a teenager and I’m thinking “uh oh, do I need to actually be a grown up now?” Sometimes knowing that people your age are moving in with their partners, getting engaged, having babies and starting a new life can be a little scary when you’re still sitting at home watching SpongeBob SquarePants. I’m not sure when I’ll get over my quarter-life crisis and shake off my Peter Pan syndrome but when I do, I’ll let you know.