The Five Layer Freddie
I’ve spent the last few years working on a lot of projects in Australia and South America, so many of my clothes are sheer wee numbers for sunnier times. When I’m back in Glasgow and in for a bitterly blue lipped walk into town I still wear all the same clothes. All at once.
A recipe – wrap yourself up into a Five Layer Freddie
Selfiecam 1: Start with a nice soft base, like this speckled grey Hardwear tee. Oh yeah and don’t be weird, smirk into the camera when you take pics of yerself. Hmm.
Selfiecam 2: Mix in a thick tight-ish shirt like this roughly textured one and belt up to keep in the warmth, you don’t want the wind to get all up in it and be nippin’ at yer nips. Oooooh, this was accidental but I’m now quite a fan of these downward tilted selfies, they make you look triangular like a muscle man in a cartoon. Tarzan swing and yell.
Selfiecam 3: This cardigan is from Tokyo and has its own built-in circle scarf. Nifty. So wrap that round chest level a couple times and you’ll be more padded up than a pansy at the Superbowl. Sadly the cardigan doesn’t have a label, but if you happen to know anyone who makes ‘em, please do gies a bell on [email protected]. Tall tales and penpal applications also accepted.
Selfiecam 4: Top with a vintage knit for good measure, getting there on the woolie grey Michelin Man look. I got this in a market in Santiago, where the vendor couldn’t understand for the life of him why I wanted it. He tried to offer me a dozen different Nike swoosh sweatshirts instead, but I just had my heart set on looking like Junior Soprano. As it transpired, such was the seller’s disdain for the piece that it had by far the lowest price-tag of any of his wares: 1000 Pesos. That’s £1.09!
Ta-da! Complete the look with a nice wool coat and some fingerless gloves. You’ll know you’re wearing enough layers if your coat won’t do up. Oh and no sneakers today, yer toes’ll freeze. On a day as cold as this I’m a great believer in a fine pair of boots. This pair have lasted me at least 5 years so far, which nicely fits Captain Samuel Vimes ‘Boots’ theory as told by Terry Pratchett in Men at Arms:
“A really good pair of leather boots cost 50 dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about 10 dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in 10 years time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a 100 dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.”
So there it is Glasgow, keep warm and remember to invest yer FTSE in BOOTSIES.
Two-tone circle tee, £35, available now from Hardwear and ASOS.
Shirt & Boots – both by Allsaints
Circle Scarf Cardigan – (Unlabelled), Tokyo, Japan
Vintage Knit – Santiago Chile
Jeans & Coat – both by H&M Divided Grey
Studded Belt – Urban Outfitters
Fingerless Gloves – Sportsgirl, Melbourne, Australia